Friday Halloween Funnies

Q&A

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q: How do you make a witch stew?
A: Keep her waiting for hours.

Q: How do ghosts begin their letters?

A: “Tomb it may concern…”

Q: What happened to the guy who couldn’t keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed.

Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch.

Q: What is a ghost’s favorite ride?
A: A roller ghoster.

Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in.

Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with Sleeping Beauty?
A: Tired blood.

Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: He was all wound up.

Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.

Q: How do you know if a ghost is lying?
A: You can see right through him.

Q: How is a werewolf like a computer?
A: They both have megabytes.

Q: Where do vampires live?
A: At the Vampire State Building.

Q: Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?
A: They’re afraid of flying off the handle.

Q: How can you tell when a window is scared?
A: They get shudders.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with.

Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling!

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: What has a black hat, flies on a broomstick, and can’t see anything?
A: A witch with her eyes closed.

Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he’s always a goblin.

Q: What sailor like to be chilled to the bone?
A: A skeleton crew.

Q: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A: In the casketeria.

Q: Where did the goblin throw the football?
A: Over the ghoul line.

Q: What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A: Toasty ghosty.

Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A: Hoblin Goblin.

Q: What do you call a wicked witch who lives by the sea?
A: A Sand-witch

Q: What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
A: A wash-and-werewolf.

Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Fasten your sheet belt.

Q: What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.

Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.

Q: What do you call serious rocks?
A: Grave stones.

Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
A: By witchful thinking.

Q: Why did the vampire’s lunch give her heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q: What do you call a skeleton that refuses to help around the house?
A: Lazybones

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin

Huh?

The professor was removing organs from the deceased before his students, all the while saying, “and this is the heart, and this is the liver, and this is the kidney, and this is . . .”

“What the heck is the professor doing?” asked a student.

Another replied, “He’s giving an organ recital.”

News Bite

Headline: “Due to strike, grave-digging at cemetary will be done by skeleton crews”

Definition

Undertaker: the last guy to let you down.

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