Friday Office Funnies

By November 7, 2008 One Comment

Mistakes on a Resume

These are from actual resumes:

“Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”

“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”

“Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and do not come cheap.”

“I intentionally omitted my salary history. I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

“Number of dependents: 40.”

“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”


“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”


“Responsibility makes me nervous.”

“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”


“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”

“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

“The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”


“While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.”

“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.”


“Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”

“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

“I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.”


“Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”


“Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”


“Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.”

“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”

“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”

“I’m a rabid typist.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”

One Comment

  • […] Keep your staff engaged, run regular training and information sessions that includes all offices. You have the opportunity to be the “glue” that helps bind the offices together. That’s important! Check out the rest of the post here: Travelling Road “Train” Style Are you interested in learning a little more about the newest BIM 360 app “BIM 360 Layout” then check out this post from Beyond Design Extending the BIM 360 ecosystem with component content Here is a good post for some easy Revit filters for Elevations form the BIMChicks Easy Revit Filters for Elevations Are you wondering do I need Revit 2015 or can I make do with Revit 2015 LT? Well check out this post over at CADZulu Revit vs Revit LT Keeping on the Revit LT train, here is another point of view (much more in-depth) on Revit Lt from the RevitCAT Revit LT – Is it any good? If like me you didn’t make it to RTCEUR in Dublin last week, yu can get a small fix here from Jay Zallan’s blog Fear and Loathing in a CAD vs BIM world as he shares his class info (and files) RTCEUR 2014 Jay Zallan’s Class More RTCEUR love from the Dark Arts of Revit Blog RTCEUR I don’t give enough love to ACAD in the blog (some might say I still give it to much) here is a post form Lynn Allen’s Blog about offsets in ACAD. Are you getting the most out of your Offsets in AutoCAD? Trimble released SketchUp 2015 this week, learn more from the SketchUpdate Blog Sharpening SketchUp for 2015 Have you worked with Revit Curtain wall doors? (or what graphically settles for curtain wall doors) whether you have or haven’t you should check out this post form Revittize Revit Curtainwall Doors This is a good post if you are thinking about (or are already) looking at using rental software from Autodesk, go to the Up and Ready blog for more info. Quick Start: Setting up your Autodesk Desktop Rental Software I will end this weeks post (long long post) with a funny, hope you enjoy. Source […]

Leave a Reply