The English language and meanings attached to terms are always changing a fast-paced, technological environment. Sometimes they can be funny.
The following are some terms that we hope will put a smile on your face.
Modern Office Terminology
Net Lag: That glazed look when you have been online for too long.
Prairie dogging: When something happens in a call centre with cubicles, where people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
Open-Collar Workers: People who work at home or telecommute.
Adminisphere: The rarefied organization layers beginning just above the rank of call centre manager. Decisions that fall from the “adminisphere” are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Stress puppy: A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny.
Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on a computer keyboard.
Idea hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse potato: The on-line generation’s answer to the couch potato.
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Under Mouse Arrest: Getting busted for violating the company’s web browsing rule of conduct.
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “Ask Tim, he’s the alpha geek around here.”
Mission critical: We are stuffed if this fails!
Chainsaw consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands
404 Peep: Someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found”, meaning the requested document couldn’t be located.
Performance Appraisal Terms and Their Real Meanings
|Average Employee||Not too bright|
|Exceptionally Well-Qualified||Made no major blunders yet|
|Active Socially||Drinks a lot|
|Character Above Reproach||Still one step ahead of the law|
|Quick Thinking||Offers plausible excuses|
|Careful Thinker||Won’t make a decision|
|Plans for advancement||Buys drinks for all the boys/girls|
|Uses Logic on Difficult jobs||Gets someone else to do it|
|Expresses Themselves Well||Speaks English|
|Meticulous Attention to Detail||A nit picker|
|Has Leadership Qualities||Has a loud voice|
|Exceptionally Good Judgment||Lucky|
|Keen Sense of Humour||Knows a lot of dirty jokes|
|Career Minded||Back Stabber|
|Of Great Value to the Organisation||Gets to work on time|
|Relaxed Attitude||Sleeps at desk|
|Independent Worker||Nobody knows what he/she does|
|Loyal||Can’t get a job anywhere else|